In the Aisles: Put it on! Put it on!

"Gwen, you can sing your pop-dance songs here in Malaysia. As long as you put on this smock."

Last summer there was some hub-bub about the smoking-hot Gwen Stephani playing a concert in Malayshia or some other fucked up country. Apparently the people over there had a problem with the skimpy attire she routinely wears to show off her smoking-hot body. The story I read went on to say that the main group protesting was a Malaysian student group. A TV clip showed a throng of Malayshian college dudes protesting the upcoming concert. What the…? College-aged dudes were protesting against this smoking-hot chick wearing too few clothes? Holy crap. I want to collectively pull these guys aside and say, “Listen here fellas, this crazy-assed religion of yours has got your heads all fucked up. Gwen Stephani is fucking smoking hot. And she wears tight skimpy clothes and struts around like she really wants to fuck. What’s the problem?” Then I’d school them on the typical concert behavior of a college dude: Get to the show 5 hours early. Remove shirt. Get completely shitfaced in the parking lot on warmish beer in cans. Firmly maintain that you are the biggest fan of the headlining act, even though you only really know 3 songs (OK, you only know 2 songs. Kinda.). But don’t let that stop you from randomly screaming out “Gwen Fuckin’ Stephani!!!!” at the top of your lungs every 7 minutes or so. Get into the show 2 minutes before the main act hits the stage. Make sure you and your asshole friends push your way up to the 2nd row, elbowing your way through the people who purposefully got into the show early to get a good spot and have been waiting there patiently for 2 hours. When the band comes out jump up and down incessantly and throw cups of beer at Gwen while repeatedly screaming “Show your tits!*”. Pass out in the dirt during the sixth song.

* Does this mean that for every drunk college kid chanting “Take it off, take it off” at Spring Break, there’s a guy halfway across around the world in Malaysia screaming “Put it on, put it on!” Wow, that just blew my mind…